I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
