why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize