I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
