I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
