thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
