Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
