I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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