I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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