my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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