theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
