i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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