YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
