so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
