Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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