it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
