It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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