I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
