TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's never too late to be topless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
