Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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