You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
