The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im holly from the hills drunk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
