I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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