I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
