I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
