I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize