haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
