sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
