He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
