After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize