one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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