i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
