piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
