He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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