I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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