Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize