Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
