can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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