Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
