I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
