tell your sister to shave her snatch
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
