he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
