maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
