We won't sleep together?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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