Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize