Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
