:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
