I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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