the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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