3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize