Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
