Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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