So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sober January is a disaster.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
