around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
