I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
