I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
