Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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