Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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