it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
