I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
