I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
