youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
