I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
