I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
