her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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