dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
