Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
