dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
