I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dear god my vagina.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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