it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
