can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
