Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
