saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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