my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
