she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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