At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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