so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
