just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
