ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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