Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize