So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
