kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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