She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I could have mohawked her pubes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
