He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Im part way to drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
