I hate all girls vehemently.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
