just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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