I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
