The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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