2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
