thus making me awesome and them whores
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
