foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
