thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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