this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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