this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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