Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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