Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
