I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
