It's just like the Real World with babies
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
