you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
