And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
