I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
