Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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