and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
