Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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