All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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