I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
