he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't turn off my feet"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize