I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
