i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
